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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24771673">You made me go on.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinwrites/pseuds/reinwrites'>reinwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Explicit Language, Film Student! Jaemin, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Jaemin is a confused film major!, Kissing at Midnight, Mentioned seizures, Moving On, Please be careful while reading &lt;3, Renjun has a cute little sister!, Renjun is a little ball of sunshine!, Secret language, Vision Impaired! Renjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:55:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24771673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinwrites/pseuds/reinwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Perseverance [ pur-suh-veer-uhns ]<br/>A steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.</p><p>Jaemin was struggling with film and with the subject change form in his hand, he was ready to give up - until he met one special person who taught him to carry on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Mentioned Lee Jeno/Zhong Chenle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>RENMIN FIC FEST: ROUND ONE</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You made me go on.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt RM#080. </p><p>hehe, i know it's late! but it's finally here ♡ after a corrupted file and nearly seven days of rewriting - i can finally post this fic! </p><p>to the mods who i constantly annoyed by asking for extensions and unfortunately missing out on postings, i'm really sorry and i'm so grateful that you were all so kind and respectful with what happened :] thank you for organising such an amazing fic fest that really challenged me to step out of my comfort zone! i admire all your hard work and wish you well for the future rounds!</p><p>to the prompter; you're my guardian angel! from the moment i saw this prompt, i knew i had to write it - i was instantly attached to it and i thank you for putting this prompt in. the notes you gave me and detailed prompt really helped with trying to capture how this entire story went. your brain is incredible for coming up with something like this! i didn't want to let you down when i never got to update it when postings went on - but i wanted to finish for you and try and do justice to this beautiful prompt. i really hope i didn't let you down and that you enjoy this ♡ thank you for letting me be challenged and shed a few tears. </p><p>prepare your tissues :] enjoy reading ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>perseverance</b> [ pur-s <em> uh </em> - <b>veer</b> - <em> uh </em>ns ]</p><p> </p><p>A steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.</p><p> They say when a filmmaker reaches a block, that it takes just one striking idea or experience to help guide you through. Although if only that were the case for film major Jaemin, who already had the form to change his major shoved in the bottom of his leather satchel. Lately, film class was shit. Honestly, the course just didn’t seem to inspire him like when he first started. There were no lingering ideas, no fully outlined scripts or material, just nothing. Jaemin really believed that he was starting to fall out of love with filmmaking. With a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, he saw his desk mate Lucas with an entire completed storyboard - sketched and written on. The notes were clean, precise and better than he could ever do. His sketches detailed the position of actors, specific angels and backgrounds - also something he could never do. </p><p> “How do you do it?” Jaemin asked, mesmerized at the boy’s various pieces of paper collected by a paper clip. The outline of the boy’s camera angles was clear to which Jaemin could easily differentiate the difference between the bird’s eye view and a wide angle. </p><p> “I just...think?” Lucas muttered quietly, pulling the papers close to his chest. He gave a quick up and down look of Jaemin before he moved away from the pink haired boy. Maybe if he stared long enough at the blank piece of paper in front of him, his brain could sketch an idea for him, or his pencil could grow legs and dance the lead all over the page. </p><p> “Remember what Ms Lee said, when you’re stuck, work through it.” Jaemin whispered before picking up his pencil and starting to draw an uneven rectangle. Inside was just another blank space for him to think about. Thinking was hard, especially when it came to storyboards. On paper, he seemed to find that his ideas never fit as well as they were arranged in his mind. The rest of the film majors had their short films nominated and previewed in the university cinema while Jaemin’s work hit a slump. At the beginning, he was known for having a unique and indie approach to topics and tackled them head on, but now? He was known as the boy who lost his passion for what he loved. </p><p> ‘Perseverance’ was the theme of the final project of his second last year. Ms Lee wanted to challenge the second-year students by giving them a short film. To anyone else who had heard the idea of a short film would’ve been over the moon, but Jaemin just wanted to lay in the bottom of a dirt hole. </p><p> Short films had always been part of the syllabus ever since the high school elective of filmmaking, where he and Lucas created film after film. Lucas and he were close friends who shared the same dream and were able to work together well. High school was different as you could work with whoever you want and there were no limits on groups, but in university - everything was to be done alone. Short films were something Jaemin had no idea about since Lucas was always the one who planned and wrote the storyboard which left Jaemin to be in charge of angles, set, locations and directing. He didn’t have experience on the writing side of film which was why he was a bit sceptical about becoming a film major. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for everything. </p><p> You see, his parents were massive film buffs, ultimately passing their love onto their son. Friday nights were always spent cuddled together on their small sofa watching classic films, pausing every few minutes to explain certain cinematic choices like angels and camera choices. Jaemin adored the passion his parents had when it came to film. He loved watching their eyes light up as they’d talk about their favourite films over dinner. Everything he ever knew was because of them and their love. Jaemin now just wished that he was able to have that same love at nineteen. </p><p> “I’ll be checking in with your storyboards on Thursday!” Ms Lee spoke as the distinct bell dismissed them from their class. Jaemin scrunched up the piece of paper that once intimidated him and shoved it in his pocket and he was back to nothing, again. That night he sat at his dorm desk, scribbling notes within his book, only to rip them out once he didn’t agree with the plan. Good idea! No, wrong. This could work! Nope, sounds crap. One by one, the paper started to flood the boys’ floor. A lake full of forgotten and lost ideas surrounded him around his desk. </p><p> “I can’t do it.” He sighed, holding his head within his hands. With a huff, he closed his eyes tighter and held his breath. The sound of silence calmed his raging thoughts until the door slammed. </p><p> “Jaemin! Are you home?” A husky voice rang through the hallway. He’d thought he’d have a little quieter time. </p><p> “Yeah Jeno, in here!” He yelled, pushing back on his chair legs. </p><p> “I found something that'd be interesting to you! It’s a flyer for- '' He stopped abruptly. “What happened here? Did the titanic sink around you?” </p><p> “You can say that. My ideas sunk in.” Jaemin mumbled, turning around to face Jeno in the doorway. </p><p> “And, so did your floor.” Jeno laughed as he carefully made his way into the room around the paper. “So! Like I was saying the local hospital is looking for volunteers!”</p><p> “And?” Jaemin asked smugly.</p><p> “And, I thought we could do it together! You know, two best friends helping save lives and making people’s days one day at a time!” Jeno passed the flyer that was crumbled in his hands. Jaemin’s smile grew. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tourney Memorial Hospital </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeks volunteers to assist nurses in paediatric wards.</em>
</p><p> <em>Looking for those who can give their time and are upbeat, positive and willing to help.</em></p><p> “So, what do you say?” Jeno smiled. Jaemin looked up towards him and nodded. </p><p> </p><p><b>endure</b> [ en-door ]</p><p>suffer patiently.</p><p> </p><p>As he stepped into the paediatric ward, he expected to see children upset. He thought it’d be quiet and haunting, but he was wrong. Paintings done by the children themselves lined the halls with their small signatures in black pen with the dates. Jaemin heard laughter coming from every single one of the rooms down the corridors. It was like he’d entered munchkin land from the Wizard of Oz. The colours were so bright considering it was such an upsetting place - it was the ultimate foreshadow. It seemed wherever he went he couldn’t stop thinking about film and its techniques. These kids in this ward were foreshadowing the happiness and comfort they’d feel when they left or passed away - it was a happy end to their suffering and pain. </p><p> “Jaemin, look.” Jeno whispered, nudging the boy as he saw a young child playing with building blocks. The child was small, wore a beanie over their head and had a cannula beside him. He looked content, he looked happy and it broke Jaemin’s heart. “They always find a way to be happy.” Jeno commented, “It’s a lesson to people like us...about how we shouldn’t think we have it bad.” The once stressful thought of planning his short film flew away as he continued to watch the young boy play in front of him - maybe, it wasn’t such a big deal anyways. </p><p> “It’s different from what I imagined it’d be.” Jaemin said honestly as a group of children ran down the halls, sliding in their socks while what they assumed to be a nurse chased after them smiling. </p><p> “It’s a good thing though, I’m excited.” His friend smiled as he waved to the little boy that’d been speaking about earlier. The young boy laughed and waved back. The happiness on that child’s face was so indescribable and it shone as bright as the sun. “Let’s go and sign in, shall we?” </p><p> “We shall.” Jaemin and Jeno walked towards the front desk where a young lady sat, possibly in her early twenties. They filled out some forms, were given ID lanyards and given a short debrief by the head nurse. She seemed really passionate about the kids in the ward, commenting on the little things they did and knowing their names as well as their friends and family members'. The whole ward to Jaemin felt like a neighbourhood, everyone seemed to know each other and there were little snack shops littered around the corridors. He swore he’d seen a young girl hiding behind the counter eating an ice-cream while her mother shouted her name down the hall. She just laughed and continued eating. </p><p> “Today since it’s your first day, we’ll start you off with the younger kids. They’re a little easier to be around than the teenagers here!” The nurse laughed, pulling a white security card and putting against a scanner. It beeped and the sliding door opened as the sound of children’s laughs and loud voices came from inside. “I can guarantee you two will have a great time, don’t be afraid to get to know the kids. They are absolute angels! Any hassles, just come and get me.” She gestured for them to walk in and they followed in suit. The room was large and filled with coloured mats that fit in perfectly arranged puzzle pieces. There were multiple tables with different activities and there were also climbing frames and a rock wall. </p><p>“Are you sure this isn’t a child’s playcentre?” Jaemin asked as Jeno punched him in the side. “What the fuck was that for?” He whispered under his breath as he dramatically held where the boy had punched him. </p><p> “Language.” He gritted through his teeth. “Jaemin, they are kids. I don’t think you really understand how severe this is?” Jeno furrowed his eyebrows at him. “Kids deserve to be outside playing with their friends, chasing cars in the street and spending late nights stargazing in their backyard! Not in some ward where there’s a probability that they probably will never live past the ripe age of seven years old.” Jaemin bit his lip as he looked at the various kids smiling. “You don’t want to tell a young child that’s got an amazing future ahead of them that there’s some possibility they’d die? You’d rather let them be a child and experience the same things as someone their age would.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Jaemin whispered but Jeno just shrugged.</p><p>“You don’t need to apologize to me, apologize to them.” And Jeno walked towards the children playing with a puzzle over in the corner as Jaemin stood awkwardly in the front entrance. It all contrasted, another film term where it was the state of something being strikingly different from something else in juxtaposition or close association. The bright room contrasted the children’s pale faces, the bald spots within their hair and the chesty coughs that’d leave them weak. From a film perspective, it was the perfect opening of one of those hospital inspired films similar to my sister’s keeper but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Jaemin wasn’t looking at this through some cinema screen, he was looking at it with his own eyes. He felt, he couldn’t describe how awful and heartbroken he felt. He felt even more selfish that he’d never stop to think about the people who’d constantly fight while he’d get mad over his americano order being made a second later than normal. This could be it; this could be his idea for his storyboard but, it felt cruel. He didn’t want to focus on every single child or else that’d be a documentary, he just needed one story. One story that’d make him feel, make him hurt and make his heart ache for more. As the thought train continued in his mind, he was pulled out of it by a small tug on his hand. </p><p>“Come play with me!” A high pitched, honey like voice came from beside him. Jaemin looked down to his side and saw a young girl with jet black hair that curled around her face, tugging on his hand. “You look like Starfire! You know the superhero!” She laughed, smiling. “She’s pretty! Like you!” The girl dragged out the <em> you </em>as she started to pull Jaemin with her. Adamant on going to the arts and craft table, he followed along.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Jaemin asked, sitting down opposite her. She ignored him as she started to fold some coloured pink paper in half. </p><p>“I’m gonna draw you!” She picked up a black pen and started to scribble a bunch of random lines on the page. Jaemin watched as she concentrated on making it perfect with her tongue stuck out as he continued. “Finished!” She held it up and Jaemin smiled. </p><p>“It looks amazing!” He encouraged as he took the picture in his hands. It was a mixture of circles and rectangles, it kind of reminded him of Picasso, but beside him in the picture was a similarly drawn picture although the person had a long straight line beside them. “Who’s that?” He asked, pointing to the figure. </p><p>Her eyes lit up as he began to ramble, “That’s my brother! I tried to draw him the best I could but he’s way better than me! He’s so talented even if he’s like the way he is! Mum told me that he’s gonna teach me how to draw! Isn’t that awesome?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s really awesome. You seem really close to your brother.” Jaemin smiled, leaning against the table as the girl continued to talk. </p><p>“He’s my best friend! He’s always been there when I’ve felt bad and he always gives me the chocolate custard from his meal deliveries. He says he hates it, but I just know that he’d rather me have it!” With more observation, he saw that the girl’s smile revealed the dimples from her chubby cheeks. It was a contagious smile. “Oh, you asked me my name, right? I never responded, that’s so mean of me! My name is ChangChang! What’s yours?” </p><p>“Jaemin!” She gasped, leaning over the table towards him. </p><p>“Does it have a special meaning? I know mine does!” Jaemin had to think, he always knew what his name meant although he didn’t know if there was some special story behind it. He just always believed that his parents picked his name because it was his mother’s dream before he was born. The dream was about her son in a film cinema, sitting down and watching the story of his life. So, Jaemin responded with that. </p><p>“It means a talented person, roughly.” He said and ChangChang’s eyes grew bigger and bigger with shock. </p><p>“You must be lucky! Your parents chose a fitting name! It suits you.” He nodded. “ChangChang means flourishing long like a flower? My parents chose it because they wanted to bring some optimism into their life and that was me!” </p><p>“How old are you?” </p><p>“I’m six, it doesn’t seem like it! But I’m just very interested in the world. My whole family is but my brother? He’s the most interested. You should hear some of his theories sometimes.” </p><p>“He wouldn’t mind. You’d introduce me to him?” He asked, shocked. </p><p>“Of course, I can take you to him right now! He loves meeting new people.” She grabbed his hand and dragged him again towards the front entrance. Jaemin assumed that ChangChang’s brother was probably an apprentice like Jeno was? Or that he’d been much older and worked in a different department? He didn't know what to expect as ChangChang guided him through the halls. The girl skipped past each of the rooms, waving in each one or yelling a loud hello. This young girl was the definition of sunshine, every person they passed, they smiled. </p><p>“We’re here!” She sing-songed as they stood in front of a room. <em> 888 </em> , the door said. ChangChang let go of his hand as she knocked a funky rhythm into the wooden door before a quiet <em> ‘Come in’ </em>came from inside. With the opening of the door, he watched as the young girl ran towards the bed and engulfed her brother in a hug. Jaemin didn’t realise that the brother she spoke about was lying in a bed himself trapped in wires and surrounded by the most irritating beeping sounds. He looked fragile as if one small move could break his bones and his face was flushed with a faded white - he looked horrible but Jaemin noticed that he still wore a smile on his face. </p><p>“I missed you my beautiful girl.” The boy whispered into ChangChang’s hair, nuzzling his nose. Something didn’t sit right with Jaemin who had been obviously staring at the boy from the moment he walked in, the boy was staring right back at him and that made his heart slow. It was breathtaking the way his eyes were so emotional. If his eyes were a swimming pool, he wanted to just right into the deep end Jaemin saw his eyes were wide open, they weren’t blinking nor were they moving, - they just stayed open, staring right at him. The longer it went on, the more uneasy he had started to feel. </p><p>“I brought you a new friend! His name is Jaemin, he kind of looks like Starfire? You remember her, right?” She asked, looking up from the hug with her large brown doe eyes. “Did that show air while you…” ChangChang stopped mid-sentence and her brother nodded. </p><p>“I can imagine what he looks like.” He laughed. “Starfire was my favourite character. She was so resilient when everything went wrong, she promised to herself that she’d never let it trouble her. I find it inspiring to be able to look on the bright side and be optimistic?” </p><p>“Starfire was my favourite character as well.” Jaemin said from where he sat in the corner. The boy flinched at the new voice, moving his head to find which direction it came from. ChangChang grabbed his hand and used it to point to where Jaemin was. “I love how they played around with film techniques with her character. Since she was so confident, they’d use a wider shot to show more of her posture and stance. Gosh, it was really cool!” </p><p>“I’m gathering you’re Jaemin?” The boy asked, “You have one of the prettiest voices I’ve ever heard in my life.” Jaemin choked up as the boy nodded. “Your voice sounds like if someone made skittles a person and combined it with a care bear.” </p><p>“Yeah, I am and you’re, kind of, right? How did you know?” He asked curiously. </p><p>“Well, I’ve always been taught that you can find someone’s personality within their tone of voice and how they speak to you - when you spoke, that’s what I guessed.” He said, this time his eyes gazing towards the ceiling. </p><p>“I didn’t ask for your name, what is it?” </p><p>“I’m Renjun. I know, it’s a little hard to pronounce.” He laughed, “But, whatever way you attempt, I’d be grateful either way.” Damn, how could someone like him have such an upbeat and comedic personality. Insightful, knowledgeable and beautiful - the perfect combination of three. As Jaemin opened his mouth to speak, Renjun started again, “I know you’re going to ask why I’m staring at you, but I assure you, I’m not trying to be creepy!” He giggled, “I just have a visual impairment where I lost my sight back when I was a child. Don’t feel sorry for me! In fact, I’m grateful?” Now a lot of things make sense, Jaemin made a mental note not to jump to conclusions next time and to keep an open mind next time he met someone new within the paediatric ward. </p><p>“I don’t mean to be nosy, but why do you feel grateful for losing sight?” Jaemin asked. </p><p>“To me, sight is just another one of the five senses. As much as I loved films and seeing the sunset and sunrise every day, I’ll always have those memories held within my heart. To me, they look a certain way and as the world changes, I want to keep onto them forever. I think life did me a favour. You know how everyone wants time to stop just so they can live in the moment? My sight being lost was that. The things I remember are still like I saw them when I was younger. My best friends, yeah, their voice changed but I’ll always remember them as their seven-year-old self.” </p><p>He had a way with words. He had a way of looking at what life gave him as a gift rather than someone unlucky present. He was grateful regardless whether he could see or not. Jaemin appreciated his point of view. He just wished he was able to look at his life the same way, in the same optimistic light that the boy believed in. </p><p>“Renjun, did you struggle when it happened?” </p><p>“Yes, it was difficult, very hard to cope with by not being able to appreciate the things I once knew. I’d cry for nights just wanting to see the stars in the sky. I’d close my eyes so tight that when I’d open them - I hoped to see the twinkling lights looking back at me, but I never did. My mum told me a quote that every cloud has a silver lining, that there was hope beyond this dark time. I relearned how to do every single little thing, walking down the halls, using the stairs or pouring myself some cereal. I knew that when I woke up each day that I’d get better at something or that I be just that little bit closer to where I’m supposed to be.” </p><p>"Woah.” Jaemin leant back mesmerized. The way he’d think and pronounce each word inspired him to do the same, it inspired him to change. “I really like your perspective.” He said and saw the corners of the boy’s lips curl up with the same dimples that were on ChangChang’s face matching Renjun’s. A small melodic chime echoed through the loudspeakers of Renjun’s room, ChangChang sighed, clinging onto the boy tighter while Jaemin was confused.</p><p>“Time to go ChangChang!” Renjun hugged her tighter against his chest.</p><p>“I hate how you guys have curfews.” She pouted as her tiny body fit the length of the boy’s tiny frame. “Can I visit tomorrow?”</p><p>“Of course, is mum home?” He asked and ChangChang nodded. “Good, ask her to come! Can you do that for me?”</p><p>“Yes! I love you!” She jumped off the bed, running towards Jaemin and reached for his hand. “Let’s go! Visiting hours are over!”</p><p>“ChangChang, wait outside okay? Jaemin will be out shortly.” Renjun said as the sound of her stomps outside echoed. “It was lovely to meet you.” He whispered knowing it between both of them.</p><p>“I know this may sound stupid but, is there any way to contact you?” He asked before Renjun reached beside him into a draw, feeling around for the handle before pulling a small piece of paper out.</p><p>“Here, it’s my number. Feel free to call or text when you want!” He offered it towards Jaemin who was a tad bit confused.</p><p>“Text? But I thought it was hard for you to see?”</p><p>“Braille! I have this machine that links up to my phone and it helps me write messages and send them! Get this, I even have emojis and a small selection of memes.”</p><p>“I’ll look forward to your memes then!” Jaemin put the paper in his pocket, swaying back and forth on his feet.</p><p>Renjun giggled before he said, “You know it may be hard to see but, I can see you perfectly. It must be the pink hair or the chiselled jawline?”</p><p>Jaemin gasped, “How did you know I had pink hair?”</p><p>“ChangChang said you reminded her of Starfire, it isn’t very hard!”</p><p>“Oh, haha. Very funny!” He said sarcastically as he started to make his way to the door.</p><p>“Take care Jaemin.” Renjun said, his voice small as he waved softly.</p><p>“You take care as well Renjun.” And he opened the door thrusting him back into his reality.</p><p> </p><p><b>educate</b> [ ej-oo-keyt ]</p><p>give training in or information on a particular subject</p><p> </p><p>“How come your search history is about the visually impaired?” Jeno asked, stuffing another handful of popcorn into his mouth as Jaemin’s YouTube search history appeared on the television screen.</p><p>“I was curious and thought I could educate myself on the topic.” He shrugged off as he typed a few words into the search bar. “It’s interesting to me and I thought maybe it could be something I write about.”</p><p>“For your short film?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess. I’m not too sure what I want to do but that day we went to see those kids, inspired me.” Jaemin said as he fiddled around with the remote. “I just don’t know what to focus on. Who’s the main focal point of the entire film?”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll meet that special someone that inspires everything.”</p><p>“Hang on.” He didn’t realise that he’d forgotten to do something extremely important. “Did you wash my good jeans?” Jaemin asked, slapping the popcorn out of Jeno’s hands.</p><p>“I did, why?” Jaemin grunted, pushing himself up to run towards the laundry room where he saw the jeans folded and hanging to dry on the rack. “Jaemin! Hello?” The one choice he had to save his film project and potentially make a really good new friend was now washed away.</p><p>“I had something important in the pocket! I really needed it!” He sighed as he started to go through the pockets of the jeans to try and find the paper crumbled but there was nothing in the pockets. “Huh?” He stood up, “I swore it was in here.”</p><p>“You mean…” Jeno held out a piece of paper with a number on it, “This?”</p><p>“Thank god, you do the laundry.” Jaemin took a breath, taking the paper.</p><p>“I think you have someone to message, right?” Jeno smirked.</p><p>“Shut up.” He whined running back to his room down the hall.</p><p> </p><p><b>confidence </b> [ kon-fi-duhns ]</p><p>the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.</p><p> </p><p>As Jaemin walked into his film classroom that fated Tuesday, he felt confident. For the first time in months, his brain was bouncing with ideas that he could easily submit as his final project idea. Speaking with Renjun the other day had inspired him, he wasn’t sure about all the details but he knew he wanted his short story to show someone’s journey. Like Jeno had said to him, it could be about anyone within that small room they’d helped out in but as much as those kids touched the heart of Jaemin, Renjun was a whole other story. When Jaemin had gotten back to the apartment that night, he couldn’t stop thinking about Renjun who continued to pull at the very depths of his mind. He couldn’t put a word to describe it but maybe meeting Renjun was his way of the world showing him that maybe he shouldn’t give up just yet. </p><p>“You look happier than last week.” Lucas commented as Jaemin jumped into his chair, spilling out the stationary from his pencil case. His seat-buddy put the pieces together, holding his shoulder. “Oh my god, you found your inspiration!” He tackled Jaemin in a tight hug as Mrs. Lee yelled at him to focus on his work. </p><p>“Yeah, I think I did.” Jaemin smiled as he started to draw on the square page he had been faced with last week. As the image of Renjun’s face clouded his mind, his pencil finally grew legs and danced around the page. His ideas were unstoppable, his thoughts were racing and he had finally felt like this was going to be the perfect assign-</p><p>“You’re not thinking of doing that, are you?” The voice of Mrs. Lee came from behind him and his pencil stopped moving. Conscious, he smacked his palms over the storyboard he’d started to draw. “The topic is perseverance, not feeling sorry for disadvantaged kids.” She spoke over his shoulder, walking away on her heels. “I expected so much more from you.” was muttered under breath as Jaemin scoffed but he didn’t care what she thought. This was <b>his </b> short film and she couldn’t do anything to change what he wanted to do. People were always going to not agree with what Jaemin created but what mattered most to him was that it could inspire people to continue to fight against the odds. <em> That was it. </em>That was what he wanted his message to be and with Renjun's help - he could create a short film that portrayed these children the way they deserved to be not as some helpless time bomb. With a smirk on his face, he picked the pencil up and continued to sketch on the storyboard and as the bell sounded, he sat in front of a completed storyboard that he, for the first time in months, was proud of. </p><p>“There’s the Jaemin I know.” Lucas playfully punched his arm as he walked out of the classroom. He was back and better than ever, his ideas were flawless and his plan covered every aspect of the criteria. </p><p>“Jaemin, can I talk to you for a moment?” Mrs. Lee came towards him. He stopped packing up his supplies and nodded. </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” He said. </p><p>“I know you’re passionate about what you want to do but, what are you focusing on exactly? What’s your film’s main message? Is there someone who inspired it? A recounting a true story? These are the things I’m worried about, I’m glad you have an idea but Jaemin, this is the last assignment before final year and I’ve seen your credit points are falling behind. I want to see you do well.” She seemed sincere and generally worried. With knowing that, he could finally understand where she was coming from. </p><p>“Can you help me then?” He asked and she smiled. </p><p>“Let’s see what you got.” Jaemin pushed the storyboard towards her and was feeling anxious. He hated people seeing his work before the final result. He was always scared that it wasn’t good enough even if it was in its early stages of planning. “I didn’t see this section before? Is this what you want to focus on?” </p><p>“I had two ideas, the one about the children and then one about this boy i met while helping out there.” He said, “Which one do you think I should do?” </p><p>“Personally, I believe that the one about the boy would be really interesting to see. It’s already figured out that he’d be a main character and when you visit him again, you can always write important key things you want to have in your work.” She said, writing a few dot points on the page. </p><p>“That is a good idea.” He smiled, “I might do that, thank you for your help.” </p><p>“Anything to get my favourite student back on track.” Jaemin felt like talking with Mrs. Lee helped clear up the struggle he was having and he was a lot more excited for the next time he and Jeno went to visit the hospital. He was excited to see Renjun again. </p><p> </p><p><b>no </b> [ noh ]</p><p>a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request</p><p> </p><p>Over the next couple of weeks that passed, Jaemin’s notebook was filled with scribbles of conversations Renjun and he had when they’d occasionally run into each other. The book wouldn’t even close properly as Renjun always gave him little pamphlets of the places he’d been around the hospital. Jaemin had pamphlets from the Cardiology Ward, The Discharge Lounge and even General Surgery. Renjun apparently had been here ever since he was younger, always in and out of hospital. The reason? Jaemin didn’t know why but it was life-threatening due to the mark on the front of his door. It was the little things that Jaemin realised that make up the bigger picture. Renjun looked so healthy but as Jaemin was given a clipboard with the rounds he had to help assist with, the boy’s name had a high risk symbol next to it. </p><p>“Excuse me?” He tapped on the shoulder of the head nurse that had shown them around the first day. She turned around, confused. “What is wrong with this patient?” He asked. </p><p>“I can’t say honey, it’s classified information.” She said. Jaemin thanked her and made his way down the corridor to assist the first placement he had that afternoon. Jeno couldn’t come and help since he had his own doctorate class to get to at the university, apparently it was a lecture he couldn’t miss which left Jaemin here alone. He couldn’t go and visit Renjun even if he wanted to because he had a blood test and wouldn’t be back for a while. As his thoughts were starting to overcome him with boredom, a young voice yelled out to him, “Jaemin!” </p><p>He knew that voice anywhere. It belonged to Renjun’s younger sister as she came running down the hall, latching onto Jaemin’s waist. “It’s been so long since i’ve seen you.” ChangChang hugged him tightly, letting her feet leave the floor to hang off of him. “Renjun had been talking all about you visiting him and it made me jealous.” </p><p>“I’m here now!” Jaemin helped put her feet back on the floor, holding her small little hand as they started to walk. “You can be my little assistant, alright?” He said as she jumped around excitedly. That afternoon, him and ChangChang went from room to room distributing snacks to the other patients, speaking with the families and taking the occasional break to have a quick play in the recreational room. Jaemin wished he could’ve seen Renjun but he had the next best thing - his younger sister. The more he watched the young girl with her black pigtails and red bow, the more he saw Renjun. Her smile, her laugh or even how she’d over dramatise her expression when she’d get in trouble. They were close and it was obvious that she really looked up to him but Jaemin, he already looked up to the boy. ChangChang saw it was getting darker by the full length windows in every room they passed and tugged quicker on Jaemin’s hand to bring him back to the foyer. </p><p>“So, how’s my brother?” She asked as a nurse lifted her up on the desk, kicking her legs off the edge. “He said I could see him when he finished.” </p><p>The nurse sighed, fixing one of the untied ribbons on her piggy tail. “Not tonight princess. Possibly in a couple days, alright?” Jaemin watched as ChangChang’s face dropped, the happiness and joys that lit up her eyes were now blank. It was clear she was looking forward to seeing her brother but it wasn’t going to happen. “I’ll let your mother know you’re here.” The nurse picked up the phone to start dialing a few numbers, Jaemin walked in closer. </p><p>“Is it serious? You know, what happened to him?” The nurse nodded and started speaking. She obviously knew what was wrong but she couldn’t tell him and that hurt Jaemin - he wanted to know, he wanted to know why the most happiest boy on the planet was confined to a hospital bed. </p><p> </p><p><b>touch </b> [ tuhch ]</p><p>the act or state of touching; state or fact of being touched.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin never went home. He waited in the corridor outside of room <em> 888 </em>. He didn’t know why he felt like he needed to be there but he wanted to give the same support that Renjun had given him when they first met. He always felt the need to give back, even if it meant his ass would go numb sitting on the tiled floor. The room had a window, a large square one that looked out onto the corridor. Faintly, Jaemin watched as a heart monitor showed green spikes that sometimes went up or sometimes went down. Every second between each beep he heard, he just hoped that the green spike never went horizontal. He’d seen it in every single film, the climax. </p><p>He never understood why film directors would make a death the main part of the plot? His parents would always say it’d be a shock to the audience to make them feel more but he just believed it was a way to make a bad film memorable. Films overuse death. Jaemin can’t name a movie where everyone stays alive whether it be the main character, their sibling, their parent or even their pet. Death was an overrated theme and no one knew truly how to portray it. </p><p>Throughout his years of filmmaking, he never once killed a character with the sole thought that everyone deserves to have a life - even if they were fictional. While the other kids in his high school class made dramatic family dramas filled with death and horror movies with gruesome murders, Jaemin had coming-of-age. It was his favourite genre and nothing better explored the teenage years and experiences than that type of movie. </p><p>He couldn’t thinking about film. It was always the one thing on his mind, every minute, every second and every hour was film until he met the boy laying on a hospital bed. Their relationship was just like every other starting friendship but deep down, he hoped it’d turn to something more. No matter how far away he went, his mind would wander back to Renjun’s eyes that crinkled when he smiled or his dimples when he’d laugh. </p><p>“Jaemin, you should go home.” The nurse sat beside him. “Look, I know you’re worried about your friend but, this isn’t healthy. He’s going to be okay.” She rubbed his shoulder, “He always is.” </p><p>“Can’t I just go in and talk to him?” He asked but she shook her head, “Please?” Jaemin tried again and this time he got no response from the lady. She was thinking. </p><p>“Fine. But I’m only giving you five minutes.” </p><p>“Thank you so much.” He said, pushing himself up and running to open the door. He stopped just before he opened it and turned back towards the nurse still sitting on the floor. “I mean it, thank you.” She smiled and held up the watch, “Oh right!” Jaemin laughed, pushing the door open and seeing <em> him.  </em></p><p>“Hey Renjun. It’s me. I know I haven’t seen you in a while but, I missed you. Gosh, that seems so weird to say out loud.” He laughed to himself, closing the door behind him. “But, I really did. I missed seeing your smile when I’d walk down the halls or the pamphlets you’d give me when you’d go on your little day adventures.” Jaemin went straight to the edge of the boy’s bed, sitting on the edge. “Look, I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t want to know what’s wrong with you but I do and I respect that you don’t need to ever tell me. I just feel worried because you’re already a close friend of mine and I don’t want anything to happen to you before I can tell you how much you mean to me…” He stopped in his sentence as Renjun moved around a little in his sleep. There was a small strand of hair that had come across his face and Jaemin was tempted to move it. Before his mind could think, his hand had already started to reach out to brush the hair away, he moved it behind his ear but had decided to leave his hand on the boy’s cheek instead. “You do something to me.” He studied Renjun’s face, his long eyelashes, his rosy cheeks and his plump lips. “You’re my muse and you’re the reason my short film is going to inspire because you inspire me.” Jaemin started to caress the back of his hand up and down his cheeks. </p><p>A knock came from the glass as Jaemin’s hand moved away quickly. His time was up and now he had to go home, leaving Renjun behind - the worst part. </p><p>“Goodbye Renjun, till I see you again.” He smiled softly, hopping off the bed and making his way out. “Thanks, have a good night.” He waved to the nurse as he walked down the corridor towards the exit. Little did he know, Renjun had listened the entire time because after Jaemin left, he sat up smiling and gesturing to the nurse to come in to gush all about what he’d said and little did he know - Renjun felt the same way. </p><p> </p><p><b>mutual </b> [ myoo-choo-uhl ]</p><p>of or relating to each of two or more; held in common; shared:</p><p> </p><p>“What would you say if my main character was based on you?” Jaemin had asked when Renjun had started to listen to him read over his storyboard notes. Renjun’s mouth became agap, pointing to himself. “Yes, you!” </p><p>“Is this for your film? You want to use me as a base for the main character in your film? Me? Renjun?” He asked shocked and Jaemin nodded, but he caught himself when he realised. He went quiet for a few seconds, trying to hold in his laughter before Renjun caught on, “You nodded, didn’t you?” And Jaemin was busted. </p><p>“Okay, fine! I did.” He laughed, trying hard to keep his voice still audible for Renjun.</p><p>“I’m glad you find it funny, other people - they spiral into apologies and it just gets hilarious for me! It’s like my own choir of…” Renjun placed his hands together, holding them like carolers do on Christmas before he dramatically sang, “I’m sorry!” It left Jaemin in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, for someone so beat down by life - he sure did have one of the best personalities and comedic timing Jaemin had ever seen. He was even funnier than Jeno and Jeno? He was pretty damn hilarious. “But, I can’t believe you want to write something about my average life.” </p><p>“Your life isn’t average, it’s amazing.” He said but Renjun scoffed. “Okay, other than the obvious, but you find happiness in the smallest things. Going on day walks, seeing the nurses, loving the sound of the lunch alarm and running down the halls with your walker - even if you run into the walls. No matter what life throws at you, you persist and that’s what inspires me. I want to show the world someone like you and what better way than to base my main character off of you.” </p><p>“I wish I could see you right now.” Renjun said, sadly. “Your eyes would be filled with dedication and passion and your smile would be so bright. Although, I can still touch you at least that sense works. Here, give me your hand.” Jaemin watched as the boy held out his hand, and knowing himself, he took it. He held Renjun’s small hand within his own, it felt fragile and soft much like a childhood blanket. “Are you wearing La Mer Crème de la Mer?” Jaemin held in his laugh as Renjun started to feel around his hand. </p><p>“No…” He drew out, hoping that the boy didn’t catch on. </p><p>“I swear I know this smell!” He said as Jaemin continued to pray to whatever god was willing to hear his pleas for help. “My mother uses this! That’s it.” Jaemin let out a breath, laughing awkwardly. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s good?” But he wasn’t safe yet. </p><p>“Isn’t that supposed to be a moisturizing cream… for your face though?” Jaemin laughed quietly. “Guessing that’s a yes then!” </p><p>“How could you even tell from just touching my hands?” He asked, shocked but Renjun just smirked. </p><p>“Let’s just say, it doesn’t stop my other senes from being more reliable. To be honest, my hearing and my touch are the senses I use the most instead of my vision. They make up for everything I can’t see.” Jaemin grabbed the book in his free hand and chucked it onto his lap, grabbing a pencil and scribbling some notes down. “Being a good student, I see?” </p><p>“But, you can’t?” Jaemin said back and Renjun laughed. </p><p>“I love this, I love how you can joke around so easily! It’s so comfortable like I’m happy with how I am! I’ve been like this for seven or more years? So, it doesn’t affect me anymore that I can’t see? Like I have my moments but, sometimes it’s okay.” </p><p>“You like it when people joke with you?” Jaemin asked, scribbling down a few more notes as Renjun continued to thread his fingers in between the creases of his own hand. </p><p>“I enjoy it a lot more. I think that’s the only way people can cope with situations by looking at a way to laugh and get some humor out of it..” </p><p>“Mhm?” </p><p>“I laugh at everything and maybe it’s a bad thing to others but to me, it’s how I deal with the first blow of the problem. Say if something’s wrong with my blood test, I’d just laugh and make a joke about how I’m a vampire and my blood has been tainted.” </p><p>“Oh, really?” Jaemin smirked, challenging him. </p><p>“Oh yes really! Haven’t you heard I’m definitely a vampire, sucking people’s blood on the daily. My only source of food! Hm, maybe I should take a bite out of you?” Jaemin laughed, tugging on the boy’s hand to try and get him to stop mucking around. “What?” Renjun dragged out, pulling him closer. Closer and closer to where Renjun was sitting upright against his bed head, Jaemin was pulled to lay straight on top of him. </p><p>“Renjun?” Jaemin looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead. </p><p>“Where are you?” He looked afraid so Jaemin hooked a finger under his chin and tilted his head down to face him. </p><p>“Right here.” He whispered. </p><p>“Oh.” Renjun giggled, “Hi.” He whispered back. If Jaemin moved one more fraction up from where he was laying, he could’ve easily connected their lips together but, he wouldn’t want to force that on Renjun - considering he didn’t know if he felt the same way back. As he was about to move away, he heard a small whisper, “You can kiss me if you want.” Jaemin was taken aback, shocked even. He wouldn’t have imagined to hear those words come out of his mouth. </p><p>“You want me to kiss you?” He asked, confused. Renjun nodded. “Uhm, okay. Sure.” He said. </p><p>“I have to ask you to help me though, it’s a little hard with my eyes.” Renjun smiled but little did he know that Jaemin already had a five second plan already made. </p><p>“Of course, just close your eyes, alright?” He said, watching as the boy’s eyes fluttered closed. “Trust me.” He whispered, leaning up to plant a small kiss on the boy’s lips. He was surprised when Renjun didn’t kiss back, leaning down to where he was laying before. </p><p>“Thank you.” Renjun smiled. “It was perfect.” </p><p>“It was just a peck?” Jaemin laughed but Renjun shook his head. </p><p>“Peck or not, my first kiss was amazing because it was with you.” </p><p>“Hang on.” Jaemin sat up, “You just gave me your first kiss? And didn’t tell me? God, I would’ve made it more memorable.” He sighed, throwing his head back. </p><p>“Well, then. This time you can make it more memorable.” and Jaemin was leaning towards the boy once more. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>distraction  </b> [ dih- strak- shuhn ]</p><p>a thing that prevents someone from concentrating on something else.</p><p> </p><p>“Jaemin? Hello?” Jeno waved his hand in front of Jaemin’s concentrated face. Tongue out, hands pressing the keyboard fast and laughing. “Do you have any washing?” He tried again but he didn’t respond. With a sigh, he took the pen cup that was sitting next to him on the desk and tipped it on the floor. </p><p>“Jeno, what the hell?” Jaemin asked, spinning on his chair to look at what he had done. </p><p>“I asked you a question!” Jeno said, gesturing his arms out. </p><p>“What was it?” He asked, turning back to the computer but Jeno simply pulled him back around to look at him.<br/>
<br/>
“Do you have any laundry? I’m putting a load on.” Jaemin shook his head. </p><p>“Everything should be in the basket if it does.” He shrugged Jeno off again, turning around but he was stopped by Jeno once more. </p><p>“Jaemin! Look at me!” He yelled, shaking him. “I know you want to talk to your friend but you need to look after yourself and this apartment? I’ve covered your chores and the groceries over the last three weeks! You walked out to your lecture without locking the doors! What is going on in your mind? Where the heck are you Jaemin?” </p><p>He sat there, looking up at Jeno’s anger filled face. “I-i’ve been busy working on film…” </p><p>“It’s always film Jaemin! When will you find another excuse to cover your tracks? I get it’s an important class to you but I’ve already missed around seven of my lectures looking out for you! I’m risking my own doctorate degree to focus on my best friend who doesn’t even care about me. I’m worried about you!” </p><p>“You don’t need to worry about me.” Jaemin whispered. Jeno already knew all the signs, all the answers as to why Jaemin had ran himself so far into the ground. </p><p>“I have to worry about you. We have to look out for each other because it’s us against the world. You and I. You go down, I’m coming with you.” He reached out to hug Jaemin, “Go and get some rest, you need a break Jaemin. I can’t continue to watch you run yourself into the ground.” </p><p>So, he did exactly what his best friend recommended, he dragged himself straight to bed. As he started up at the ceiling, he took a deep breath - letting all the emotions that once clouded his mind disappear. Maybe he was right, maybe he was spending too much time on his project than anything else but, Jaemin knew he was spending more time with Renjun. The film hadn’t even once crossed his mind when he was with him especially with a looming draft date approaching in a week. Jeno was right. He always was. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>renjun &lt;3</em> </b>
</p><p>can you come and visit me? please? </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin read the message before typing a quick response and flipping the phone over with the screen down.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>me: </em> </b>
</p><p>not tonight angel, i can’t &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p>He drifted off to sleep, unsure of what he’d wake up to in the morning. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>radio silence  </b> [ rey-dee-oh-sahy-luhns ]</p><p>a period during which one hears nothing from a normally communicative person or group.</p><p> </p><p>The draft deadline came and went with Mrs Lee smiling when Jaemin gave her his draft. She had said something along the lines of that she wasn’t sure if he’d be able to give her a full concept idea but he did. After that, Jaemin spent more time with Jeno and tried to renovate their crappy little apartment. He spent more time getting to know Lucas who simply was annoyed he never once picked up the phone to message Jaemin and lastly, he spent more time waiting for a message from Renjun. </p><p>It had been a week since he’d heard from him. He was especially more worried since he was in an hospital and not just walking around the streets. Jaemin knew he had to try and be optimistic, just like the boy had taught him although he couldn’t help but think the worse had happened. It was everyone thought, it was a common human way of coping. You make so many different reasons and outcomes to why no one has messaged you back even if it was because they simply just forgot to charge their phone.</p><p>But Jaemin knew it was more than just a simple phone charge, he was getting nothing from the boy. Even when Jeno and him went to go and volunteer, he’d never see Renjun. His room was empty, there was no ChangChang in the recreational room nor was there the same happy feeling he got when he went there. It felt dull, empty and lifeless. Jaemin wanted to ask what had happened but as much as he wanted to know, he was scared of what they might say. </p><p>It went on for another two weeks with no messages, no visits or even the boy’s name on the roster he was given. It made him wonder, what if he actually went to visit Renjun on that night? What if he had gotten out of bed and ran straight towards the door? Would he have heard from the boy again? Or would the silence still kill him?</p><p>As Jaemin was given the roster for the new week of the rounds, he scanned down the list until his smile grew brighter seeing the boy’s name at the very bottom of the sheet. “He’s back?” Jaemin looked up at the nurse, laughing and she smiled. </p><p>“Yes, go on. I know you want to visit him.” He tucked the folder under his arm and ran straight towards the room which he knew the number off by heart. <em> 888 </em>. Peering through the glass, he saw the small boy laying in the bed, back facing towards the door. To Jaemin, Renjun seemed smaller than he could remember from a few weeks ago. Renjun wasn’t very tall nor did he have a lot of muscle on him - he was like a fragile piece of glass that could only be handled with care. </p><p>“Renjun.” He whispered with the door open ajar, “It’s me.” Jaemin couldn’t help but notice how dark and gloomy the room was, usually the windows and curtains would be open but, not today. He heard the small shaky breaths coming from where he laid on the bed. If Jaemin never looked beside him at that very moment, he wouldn’t have ever noticed the small bruised arm reaching out towards him. He reached out towards the boy, holding his hand as thoughts ran through his head. The boy’s hand was freezing cold, it flopped within Jaemin’s hold and it showed him that Renjun really had no strength. </p><p>“L-lay with me.” His voice was just merely a whisper. Jaemin nodded. </p><p> </p><p><b>mine  </b> [ mahyn ]</p><p>used to refer to a thing or things belonging to or associated with the speaker.</p><p> </p><p>As Jaemin laid pressed up against Renjun’s back, he’d curl the boy’s brunette hair within his fingers watching as small ringlets would stay bounced in his hair. Sometimes when he’d hear Renjun struggle to catch his breath, he’d kiss the back of his nape in hopes to calm him down. They had grown closer over the couple of weeks since they first started talking, they acted as a support for each other and that was how they described it. </p><p>“Y-you know about your film?” Renjun spoke softly and Jaemin hummed in response, “Apparently, my mum found these home videos of me when I was younger…” He took a deep breath, “I want you to use them.” Renjun’s fingers felt around the boy’s hand, laughing when he accidentally reached for the air until Jaemin intertwined their fingers together. </p><p>“I’d be more than happy to use them.” Jaemin whispered, snuggling closer towards the boy’s shoulder. “R-renjun, can I ask you a question?” </p><p>“Of course.” He smiled. </p><p>“How did you lose your sight?” He felt Renjun sigh and he knew that he had pushed it too far, well - until he started to speak. </p><p>“You know, when I was younger I could see the world for what it was. I could see how a blue sky could turn into the most beautiful pink and orange gradient or how clear the water was when I dangled my feet on the edge of the pier. All I can remember is that over time, I wouldn’t be able to see the colours anymore or that I could never recognise my best friend’s faces - everything was just one big out of focus blur. My parents thought I needed glasses because when I played soccer, I’d never see where the ball was but one day, I fell over and hurt myself pretty badly - my friends told my parents it was because of how the concrete wasn’t leveled. He took another shaky breath. </p><p>“I don’t think it hit me that I was losing my sight until I couldn’t see my little sister’s face, I don’t even know what my sister looks like and I can barely see you. Each day that I woke up, there was like this small little grey dome that inch closer to the centre. I could judge it pretty well from the glow-in-the dark stars on my ceiling but one day when i woke up, I saw nothing. I can just remember screaming as tears ran down my face - I wasn’t really ready to not lose what I was used to and now, I don’t know if there’s a point to be optimistic. I’m so sure of myself that I’m going to get through this but there’s this thought at the back of my mind that just keeps saying that I won’t.” </p><p>“Renjun, hey.” Jaemin tried to calm the boy down after noticing his quicker breaths. </p><p>“What if I die? Where would I go? How would my parents even cope? How could ChangChang grow up without her older brother? I’m not even twenty yet! What if there is not next time? What if the world truly does ha-” </p><p>“Come here.” Jaemin turned the boy around to place his forehead onto his chest. Even wrapping his arms around him felt like he could break his bones with one little push. There was no way he was going to leave an emotional and vulnerable Renjun alone for the night. Once he realised the boy had cried himself to sleep, he pulled the blankets over them. Jaemin admired him, his face and the way his eyes would flutter shut as if he felt at peace. He took one last look at the boy’s face until he met together with Renjun, in their dreams. </p><p> </p><p><b>tick </b> [ tik ]</p><p>make regular short, sharp sounds, typically one for every second of time that passes.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect, this is it.” Jaemin smiled as he looked down at all the casting allocations that were laid out in front of him. He wanted to use Renjun’s story but add his own twist on certain things to make it more entertaining for audiences - but he didn’t want to change Renjun. He imagined whoever played him as a head-strong and open person who had a lot of love for everyone. He didn’t really have someone in mind until Jeno recommended YangYang when they were talking over breakfast. Jaemin got to know YangYang through brief coffee interviews and once he was asked to read a portion of the script - he knew he had found the boy to play the most important person to him. When he’d read the lines that Jaemin wrote, he could see the same light he once saw in Renjun’s smile whenever they were around each other or the joy that sparked when he said his interest. This was who he wanted, who he needed and when he introduced him to Renjun - he had never seen the boy grin so big. </p><p>“I can’t believe that you found the perfect film version of me!” Renjun laughed, leaning up against Jaemin with his hands around his neck. “I told you, you’re amazing!” Jaemin felt enamoured by the boy and his positive encouragement. It had been a few days since Jaemin broke the visitation curfew and stayed with Renjun, waking up in the morning with his favourite boy snuggled within his arms and the head nurse frowning at them - but in the end, they all laughed. </p><p>Jaemin had gotten sidetracked as Renjun pouted from where he stood in front of him, “What?” Jaemin asked and Renjun pushed his lips up, making a kissing sound before Jaemin grabbed his cheeks and shook them side to side - their new invented way of shaking your head. </p><p>“Why not?” Renjun dragged on, hugging closer into the boy’s chest. </p><p>“Because, I want to save it for later.” Jaemin smirked, running a hand through the boy’s curled locks. </p><p>“Unfair! I have an appointment around 6.” Renjun sighed but Jaemin pulled him closer.</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be early, we could run on a midnight date. You, me, the stars and the moon.” Jaemin whispered as Renjun laughed in his hold. </p><p>“Fine, you have a deal! Meet you at the front of the door?” Renjun said and Jaemin pressed a kiss to his cheek. </p><p>“Bye baby!” He yelled and ran for the door, leaving a shocked Renjun. </p><p>“You can’t just say that and then leave!” He yelled from his room but he could hear Jaemin’s snicker from down the corridor. He really did love that boy. </p><p> </p><p><b>midnight</b> [ mid-nahyt ] </p><p>twelve o'clock at night.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin wasn’t too sure how he ended up carrying Renjun on his back, but it happened. He had no idea where he was taking them, all he knew was he was at least ten kilometers from the hospital where he had snuck Renjun out merely only an hour ago. </p><p>“Now Mr. Na, where are you taking us on this fine Thursday morning?” Renjun asked poshly, tightening his hold on the boy’s neck. </p><p>“Well, Mr. Huang - I thought we could possibly go down to the tide pools and have a little fun there. What do you think?” Renjun hummed, snuggling his head closer to Jaemin’s shoulder. “I’ll take that as a yes then!” It was funny how familiar Renjun had grown with navigating his way around Jaemin’s body, he could tell exactly where he was speaking to him from or the specific spot on Jaemin’s neck that he found ticklish. Jaemin was genuinely surprised at how fast Renjun got to know him, he was surprised that someone that was blind had the ability to adapt to someone so quickly. </p><p>Before the pair knew it, they had reached the pier where the tidepools were. Renjun's body immediately reacted to the sound of the heavy waves crashing against the familiarity of a place he had once remembered. </p><p>“Does it still look the same Jaemin? Does it still have those colourful umbrellas with the lounges underneath them?” Renjun said as Jaemin placed him down on one of the chairs, looking back the boy was spot on. All over the shoreline there were colourful rainbow umbrellas with now-stacked lounge chairs. </p><p>“Yeah, there is.” Jaemin laughed, bending down to start untying the boy’s converse he hurriedly tied up before leaving. As Jaemin looked down at the holes where the laces were threaded through, he could see that Renjun had missed three or four holes where it was supposed to loop, but all that mattered to him was that the boy had tried. “Cute.” He whispered under his breath, sliding the shoe off and focusing on the other. Jaemin had tried hard to get the boy to stop swinging his legs around but Renjun was just too excited. </p><p>“You know, the only time I get out of the hospital is when they transfer me because they don’t have the right things there?” Renjun looked dazed, staring into nowhere as Jaemin slipped off the other shoe. Soon both boys were left barefoot as they made their way across the sand towards the rocky landscape. Jaemin took the first step into the tide pool, cold water rising above his ankles as Renjun stood on the edge, holding his hands. </p><p>“Trust me, I’ve got you.” Jaemin said as Renjun carefully dipped a toe in before placing his entire left foot in the water, shaking at the temperature. He laughed as he quickly put his other foot into the water. </p><p>“It feels weird!” Renjun laughed, taking the first couple of steps with Jaemin’s help before the boy let go of his waist and watched as Renjun made his way by himself. “It keeps moving underneath my feet and it’s like the water is making me travel with it.” He smiled, turning back towards Jaemin. “I can picture it. A circular pool with a clear blue water and sand as yellow as the mid-day sun.” </p><p>“That’s exactly it!” Jaemin yelled over the sound of the waves crashing upon the rocks and soon enough with the next crash of waves, it hit Renjun down under the sea foam. Jaemin watched as the boy was swept under, running towards where he was last seen and reaching into the water for any hopes to grab him out but all the worry came to an end. Renjun poked his head out of the water, laughing and waving towards him in the perfect direction - he didn’t understand how he always knew where Jaemin was. He stood up shaking the wetness out of his hair as he started to cup the water in his hands and through it above his head - loving the feeling of when it came down over him. </p><p>“Jaemin! Look, it's raining.” He laughed, throwing it over his head once more before he gasped as if an idea struck his mind, “Wait! Throw the water and I can dance, I’d be dancing in the rain!” And Jaemin did just that, scooping the water up and throwing it up into the air to fall around Renjun. He continued doing it just so he could see the boy look so happy, he danced freely in the water as he twirled around in pure content. Jaemin didn’t want to be anywhere else but here in that very moment, it reminded him of a climax of a coming of age film - where the main character finally let go and focused on the present. Everything was perfect. </p><p> </p><p><b>chaos </b>[ key-os ] </p><p>complete disorder and confusion.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing perfect can last forever, no picture will not ever be broken and no love can prevent your entire world from crumbling down. So as Jaemin ran beside where Renjun laid on the stretcher, he didn’t know how to react. He was stopped by a nurse telling him that he couldn’t progress any further and was being held back from running to the emergency room with Renjun. Everything had happened so quickly and so quietly before the boy he knew was seizing in the water, reaching for Jaemin to come and help him. Slowly but surely, Jaemin got to him but he didn’t know what to do - he held the boy as the water continued to splash around him and he had to stand there helpless. </p><p>“What the fuck is going on?” Jaemin yelled at the nurse, “I’m sick of being left in the dark - just tell me!” But she continued to shake her head and Jaemin wasn’t having it. “No, I deserve to fricken know after what I had to go through! I’m so fricken worried and I have to wait here without knowing what caused it?” He kept pushing against her until he gave up and ended up on the floor. </p><p>“I’m worried about him too, Jaemin because whatever he has is something completely different from what I thought I knew.” She said, crouching down to his level. “I’ve known him since he was born Jaemin, and through all these nineteen years of his life I always thought what he had was just a simple form of cancer but - I don’t think it’s that anymore. I think it’s something far more incurable.” Jaemin snapped his head up at the word <em> incurable </em>, shaking his head. </p><p>“He’s fine. When he went out with me, he was fine!” Jaemin felt the tears welling up in his eyes as he rocked himself on the cold tiled floor. “I don’t understand? He was doing so well!” Jaemin cried, unaware of what in the world was going on around him - he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. </p><p> </p><p><b>wait </b>[ weyt ] </p><p>the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or event.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun’s mother and ChangChang had shown up not too long after Renjun was wheeled into the Emergency room. They were both in their pyjamas and holding each other tightly, Jaemin was far beyond sleepiness, currently stuck within a state of being awake and asleep. Well, that was until he had heard the nurse speak to Renjun’s mother rapidly. </p><p>“We believe that he’s gotten worse.” He overheard, “We’re afraid that his brain is finally making the change to the non-verbal aspect we were afraid of.” His mother held her daughter tighter. “This seizure was by far the worse we’ve seen in a while and we’re afraid it racked his brain so much that it’s finally becoming worse.” </p><p>“But there’s something you can do right?” She said, reaching towards the head nurse but she shook her head. </p><p>“Ms Huang, I don’t believe that your doctor made it clear to you what your son is currently battling. I know you are aware that it was some type of cancer but with the current research that had been discovered recently, it was found that Renjun doesn’t in fact have some type of cancer although he has Batten Disease which is far worse in my opinion.” </p><p>“W-what does that mean?” She stuttered, unsure. </p><p>"Batten Disease has no cure nor any treatment, it usually occurs when a child is between the ages of seven and ten and the first major thing that they lose is their vision which fits perfectly within Renjun’s timeline. When a person with Batten Disease reaches around their late teens or early twenties - that’s if they live to it, it can start to become more fatal. Renjun is lucky, he hadn’t lost his motor abilities or the ability to speak from his mid-teens but it does explain why he is a lot weaker and unable to truly stand on his own. Personally what I fear the most is this is truly the end of the road for him because I don’t know what lies ahead or if he has lost those certain motor abilities.” </p><p>“So, you’re saying that I raised my son to die? And that he’ll become so helpless that he won’t be able to do the simple things in life anymore?” Her voice started to become hard to understand as her eyes filled with tears.<br/>
<br/>
“Mama…” ChangChang pulled on her hand but she ignored her. </p><p>“I’m so sorry Ms Huang. I don’t think there’s anymore I could do.” The nurse lowered her head with obvious tears streaming down her cheeks. “I never wished for this to happen to someone like your son, someone else deserved it - not him.” </p><p>“Mama…” ChangChang tried again to speak to her mother. </p><p>“Yes baby?” She crouched down, quickly wiping her tears. </p><p>“Will Rennie be okay?” She asked smiling but her mother just caressed her cheek, shrugging. </p><p>“I don’t know.” </p><p> </p><p><b>squeeze </b>[skweez ] </p><p>firmly press (something soft or yielding), typically with one's fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun became non-verbal, he couldn’t speak anymore and it broke Jaemin’s heart. He was bedridden and the doctor’s worst fears became true. Jaemin couldn’t help but blame himself for sneaking Renjun out that morning, maybe if he hadn’t of done that, the events that happened probably would’ve been prevented. </p><p>“Jaemin? When you talk to him, you can only ask yes or no questions. One squeeze for no, two squeezes for yes.” His mother had said before exiting and leaving the two alone. It didn’t hit him until he realised Renjun’s emotionless face staring up at the ceiling - that smile that once lit up his face was never going to be seen again or that laugh, probably never even getting the chance to hear it. </p><p>“Are you doing okay?” He whispered, holding on to Renjun’s hand. He waited for what seemed like minutes about to let go when he felt two light squeezes. “There’s my boy.” Jaemin smiled as he brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes with his other free hand. “Did you know that I miss you?”</p><p>Two more squeezes and as much as he felt Renjun physically being there, he couldn’t feel Renjun being there mentally. He just wanted a normal conversation between the two where they could laugh and get lost in each other’s thoughts for hours - he wanted the past back but he didn’t want to accept it never was going to come back. There was nothing more that Jaemin could do than sit in the plastic chair beside his bed and ask him basic questions for him to respond to - it broke his heart into a billion pieces. </p><p>“I did this to you, if you had just stayed here this all probably never would’ve happened you kn-” but the rambling stopped when he felt a small series of squeezes, probably Renjun’s way of telling him to shut up and realise it wasn’t his fault. “Out of all people in this world, why did it have to happen to one of Earth’s purest angels? Why did it happen to my angel?” He whispered, resting his head against the edge of the bed. </p><p> </p><p><b>hollow </b>[ hol-oh ] </p><p>without real significance or value.</p><p> </p><p>The first day of shooting for Jaemin’s short film came and he was exhausted. It felt like over the course of the past couple of days he had been in two different universes, the constant worrying one and the real life common normality he was used to. The entire cast and crew could tell he was acting off and Jaemin just didn’t want to address it. He didn’t have time for anyone’s bullshit and if they ticked him off just one bit - he knew he wouldn’t be able to control his temper. </p><p>“One coffee, no milk - just water, eight expresso shots and ice?” Jeno asked, levitating the Starbucks coffee cup in front of him. Jaemin took the cup without a thought and started to sip on the straw - the only thing that could possibly calm down his rapid mind. “You look like crap.” Jeno said, sitting down next to Jaemin on his directors chair. </p><p>Jaemin shot him a look, an angry one, “Thanks. I already knew.” </p><p>“Brighten a little, you’re finally shooting the thing that has been bothering you for months.” Jeno said, gesturing to the various different cameras and cast. </p><p>“But, this right now? It’s the least of my worries. I’ve got somewhere I desperately need to be because I’m terrified that this isn’t going to end well.” The coffee cup that was once grounded in his tight grasp fell all over his jeans as he watched the cup bounce onto the concrete. “I-i…” He stuttered in shock. </p><p>“Jaemin, what’s going with you?” Jeno asked, reaching out for his shoulder. “Is something wrong?” and the boy just took a deep breath, eyes trained on the cup flipped on its side. </p><p>“Someone I truly care about…” He paused, exhaling a sharp breath,” I just found out that there/s a high chance they could be gone soon.” He mumbled to the end. </p><p>“It’s that boy, isn’t it?” Jeno rubbed his shoulder as Jaemin looked at him slowly. “I think you forgot that I had rounds to do as well.” He laughed, “I’d pass by his room and I’d always see you sitting there happy, enlightened; it was as if that boy had brought the sun into the room.” </p><p>“W-why didn’t you tell me?” Jaemin couldn’t believe it. </p><p>“The same reason you never told me you knew about Chenle and I.” He smiled, punching his shoulder playfully. “And please, you helping Renjun down the halls was adorable.” </p><p>“Jeno, is it a bad thing if he dies?” Jaemin asked and that’s when Jeno’s smile dropped. </p><p>“Jaemin, let me rephrase that question for you. What do you do when your favourite film character dies?” </p><p>“I don’t know, I’ve never watched a film that dealt with death.”</p><p>“There’s your answer.” Jeno said, pushing himself up out of his chair and walking away. Jaemin just wanted to ask him one more question but it finally made sense. How he could deal with grief when he’d never seen someone go through it? How was he to judge on something that he didn’t know about? </p><p>And Jaemin knew what he had to do. </p><p> </p><p><b>ghost </b>[ gohst ] </p><p>an apparition of a dead person which is believed to appear or become manifest to the living, typically as a nebulous image.</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin watched in the darkness, huddled in a blanket as the final scene played. Molly who adored Sam who was murdered was in his final moments of being her protective ghost, he was about to step through the portal to become happy and guilt free. Jaemin didn’t notice the tears streaming down his face or the heavy ache within his heart as he watched the couple’s final moments. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> See ya.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> See ya.  </em>
</p><p>They both said as the instrumental violins picked up, Jaemin burst into a fit of tears and Sam finally made his way into colourful light where you could see white silhouettes waiting to open him with welcoming arms. The movie ended with him walking into the light, he was free from his murderer and was waiting for his love to one day meet with him again. </p><p>The message was so clear, the true pain of losing someone you love can be tempered by believing you still have contact with them. Ultimately even though the person left behind comes to terms with the person not being present. Ghost, it was one of the best movies that Jaemin had ever watched. </p><p>Jaemin was wrong, death in film was not overrated - but it was the one trope that helped people cope through grief and it taught people that as the credits roll, your life would go on with an everlasting memory. Jaemin still didn’t want to put death in his short film, his main character was never going to die and that was the way he wanted the film to end. </p><p> </p><p><b>love </b>[ luhv ] </p><p>an intense feeling of deep affection.</p><p> </p><p>Through the window, he could see the car’s brake lights flashing on and off. Jaemin and Renjun curled against his chest as they watched the outside world move around them. When the nurse had helped Renjun and Jaemin’s safe arms, she opened the window - only a little. He knew the boy’s ears was the only thing that could hint at what they were doing. </p><p>He placed his hand into the boy’s as a loud car sped past, “Can you hear that?” Jaemin whispered as Renjun squeezed his hand twice tightly to then walk his fingers around Jaemin’s palm, “What is it?” he asked. </p><p>A disjointed word came from Renjun’s mouth as he tried to move it but couldn’t - his motor skills had finally started to deteriorate fast. Slowly, he tapped Jaemin’s palm three times. Three words and eight letters. Jaemin was confused, he didn’t understand exactly what Renjun was wanting from him - he was terrified. </p><p>Renjun continued to tap three times against the boy’s palm rapidly as Jaemin stared at him, unsure. He was just about to press the button on the table before he felt Renjun’s hand draw a line down his palm. </p><p>“One?” Jaemin asked and Renjun squeezed his hand once - <em> no. </em>Renjun tried again, one straight line down the boy’s palm. “Ren, I don’-” He started but he felt a dot followed by a line. “I?” Renjun squeezed his hand twice, a small noise coming from his mouth - he seemed to be happy. </p><p>Renjun continued to draw letters on Jaemin’s palm with him spelling it out. </p><p>“L?” A small circle. “O?” A two pointed lines. “V?” Three edges with a line. “E.” Jaemin was beginning to understand. </p><p>Two overlapping lines with one shorter end, Y.” Another circle. “O.” A round curve. “U.” </p><p>Renjun squeezed his hand twice - <em> yes! </em>And while Renjun celebrated what he had achieved, Jaemin was left redrawing the patterns that Renjun had once left on his palm. </p><p>“I. L. O. V. E. Y. O. U.” He whispered, it finally making sense. He looked at the boy with pure admiration, only seeing the boy full of rainbow colours and smiles in front of him. He didn’t care if they were official or not - he was just thankful that he was the one to love someone like him. He didn’t care that Renjun wasn’t how he was when he first met him and without knowing him from that first day they met - he wouldn’t have seen how the boy continued to fight. </p><p>So, Jaemin did what he knew his heart wanted to do. He reached for Renjun's smaller palm, turning it over and planting a small kiss in the centre. As he took his pointer finger and drew the familiar pattern he had just learnt before leaning in, pressing a loving peck on the boy’s cheek. The rest of the afternoon was quiet as they continued to stay in their own little world, writing their secret language on each other’s palms and sharing stolen kisses. </p><p>Jaemin knew that this was going to last forever.</p><p> </p><p><b>reveal </b>[ ri-veel ] </p><p>make (previously unknown or secret information) known to others.</p><p> </p><p>It was the day when Jaemin’s short film got revealed to the university audience. It was his hyped up return to filmmaking in his style. Sure, as he looked at the synopsis in the pamphlets, he knew they were light hearted and filled with tooth-rotting fluff - much like Jaemin’s taste but this film? He wanted to challenge himself. You think Quentin Tarantino got to Pulp Fiction just from a one-off attempt? He had to experiment to get to his quirky and cultivating films. And experiment was what Jaemin intended on doing. </p><p>The house lights went up as the audience clapped. Jaemin soon followed after Lucas punched his arm when he wasn’t paying attention. </p><p>“Yours is up next.” Lucas winked, pointing to the name in bold. Jaemin rolled his eyes, sinking further into his seat. “Brighten up! You should be proud of this.” </p><p>“I am but my mind is just scattered tonight.” He told the truth, Jeno was supposed to be here with him at the preview night but he had gotten called in to take over a nurse who dropped out - the hospital’s next best bet was still pre-med Jeno. He hadn’t felt Renjun’s bond touch in a couple of hours - the couple invested in those bond touch bracelets which helped them communicate through figured out phrases. It calmed Jaemin’s worries only a slight bit. </p><p>The lights soon went down as a young lady walked across, microphone in hand. “Next on our schedule is a short film by Na Jaemin!” There were a few whoops and yells of encouragement at the mention of his name. He just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. “This film depicts a true story and the message that even though the illness and disease can weigh you down, it doesn’t mean that the sun can’t shine. Everyone, I present - ILY.” A loud applause shocked Jaemin who watched as the film began to play. He just desperately wanted to feel that stinging effect from Renjun pressing the bracelet, although he didn’t. </p><p>It was the climax of the short film - the tidepools. It was already hard enough to live through it and to watch someone recreating it was even worse but that moment was when Jaemin felt three weak taps, he smiled and tried to tap back although before he did - he felt one long touch that held for a few seconds before it abruptly lifted. </p><p>“He must miss me.” Jaemin whispered, watching YangYang on screen while an unsteady Donghyuck walked beside him - those two portrayed both boys perfectly. As he continued watching, he felt a few vibrations come from his pocket - <em> his phone. </em>He didn’t want to pull it out just when the film was reaching its reveal but he looked at it, smiling. </p><p>Before his phone dropped out of his hand and he ran out of the lecture hall. </p><p> </p><p><b>angel </b>[ eyn-juhl ] </p><p>a person of exemplary conduct or virtue.</p><p> </p><p>His heart was broken as he watched ChangChang sob on the tiled floor, her cries louder than a busy street full of people. She wasn’t just crying, she was screaming his name. Over and over again while his mother just sat on the floor in distraught. Jaemin saw this family was broken, this once optimistic family who believed they could take on anything in this entire world was exposed on the floor. </p><p>Their driving force was brutally snatched from them by something out of their control. Jaemin only wished now that his short film didn’t end so happily because that wasn’t the truth anymore. Renjun was now just a reminder of the past. A past time where all he needed to worry about was if Renjun gave him that angelic smile when he’d accidentally forget he couldn’t see his funny faces or the way his words would comfort his darkest worries. </p><p>Jaemin had never lost someone. He was fortunate to have never attended a funeral in his entire life or had that feeling of loss and grief - but now, all he felt was numb. Nothing prepared you for the feeling of hopelessness and anger that clouded your mind, the tightness that squeezed your chest as you tried to breathe and the headache constantly pounding because of the rapid loss of tears. All he could do was stand there as his memories were thrown around within his mind. </p><p>“J-jae…” A small voice whimpered in front of him and as he looked up, he didn’t see the adorable face he first met that one fated day - he saw a swollen face with tears running down her cheeks. Jaemin didn’t know if he could ever face ChangChang, it hurt because she looked exactly like him and nearly even sounded like him. </p><p>But as she jumped into his arms, holding tighter than ever - he didn’t want to be with any other person at that very moment. He swore that he’d look after the young girl, giving her everything she ever dreamed of as a thank you to Renjun for making him realise why he shouldn’t give up on something he loves. </p><p>He never gave up on Renjun who he loved very much and it was the same with film, why give up something you want to use to make a change to people. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They say when a filmmaker reaches a block, that it takes just one striking idea or experience to help guide you through and Jaemin had found that one experience that determined how he should view the rest of his life with persistence and perseverance to carry on when things got too hard. At the end of the day, every single film he made, he’d have a memoriam to Renjun. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> To the boy who taught me how to carry on and keep following my wildest dreams.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Huang Renjun. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 23.03.2000 - 15.09.2019 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “ILY.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>perseverance</b> [ pur-s <em> uh </em> - <b>veer</b> - <em> uh </em>ns ]</p><p>A steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please feel free to leave your thoughts, kudos or bookmark if you'd like! ♡♡ i hope i didn't make you cry too much :[ i hate making people cry... </p><p>always persevere till the very end, no matter who or what comes in your way - there's always good waiting on the other side. </p><p>love always, rein ♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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